weekend

W.O.W.!!!!
Yesterday which was suppose to be a shit ends up being pretty cool...
I went out with my friend to drink coffee and talk senseless shit. I had a great time with him..of course my sister dated her BF as the initial plan ¬_¬ she made a drama from nothing...after that I met with my older sister and her husband with some friends of them to dinner, Everything got even better. At the end we went to the movies and got home at 12 midnight, so ironic that I didn't want to go out at first.
So I can say I got my relieve from the stress...
Well, of course, right now i'm so late with my work..I'm going to work overnight to get most of it done...(;o;)

I promise that after this week I will start to work out and dieting...x_x I fucking need it! besides, in my msn picture I got Kuromito's picture:

Which motivates me for some reason xD.......sounds stupid, isn't it?;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

This entry is called F.R.U.S.T.R.A.T.I.O.N.

I'm so fucking sad rn...I had expectation for this day, i was waiting the whole fucking week for Saturday...I needed a moment to release all this stress, and everything turned out even more stressful ...I'm not even angry because i'm not going out with my friends...It's something else, the moment, the feelings this day would bring me...all the excitement is gone...and i'm crying like an idiot, because very deep inside of me, I hate being in bad terms with my stupid sister, but it always happen, and it's so frustrating...

I really don't want to sound like a whining bitch crying because she's not going to the movies....I don't fucking care about that..I don't fucking care about my friends right now because things are fine with them....I know tomorrow will suck, that's all, and makes me really sad, because it wasn't supposed to be like that...my sister will be mad at me, i don't want to go out anymore...seriously, it's like i'm the only one who's still affected by everything from last night...i still regret everything she said to me...maybe what's more frustrating is that I feel really stupid...it's the never ending shit in this fucking house.....and I just can't explain it without sound too superficial...

whatever...maybe after sleep I will feel a little bit more ... chilled out? less stupid? People really are not aware how damaged I am, how tired I am from this senseless fights around me...tired of trying so hard for nothing.....................oh man!!!!

WHATEVER!.....one more time...

I finished the drawing...it didn't come out as I wanted but...who cares anyway...it was for fun...(Although i'm having one of those moments....wish to give up everything, give up drawing, give up fighting, give up trying...wondering many things...)

This entry is so bipolar.....

It's Friday!!! (T_T) and I finally have my portfolio printed!!! now I just have to worry about print my business card and all my other projects, anyway, tonight I plan to relax and draw something...

The new Kuroshitsuji Mousepad is so cuteee

So yeah! I wanted to draw something inspired by this....

How are supposed to be Ciel's shoes??!!  Anyway, this is just the wip of course xD

btw, I made another Twitter account...I don't know why but meanwhile is kind of fun ...I will closed it eventually though ...that's for sure u_u 

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FUCK this! -changing topic- everytime i plan to going out with friends, they always cancel!!!! :( I was going to the movies tomorrow, but it seems we won't...and the worst part is that the annoyed is my stupid sister, because she was using my plan to go out with her boyfriend, and now she is forcing me to do something tomorrow....I don't fucking care anyway...I will stay alone tomorrow then, it's ok for me but...fuck this shit....this suck balls! I'm fucking mad right now, not because my friends but my sister....she is a total idiot...

Great, i want to cry because the anger i feel...I want to fucking kill this bitch right now, but it would be useless, this is so stupid I can't even....the thing that makes me mad is the shit she has said right now... ARGH!!!! I can't do anything to make me feel better...i'm so out of control and all this shit is so fucking stupid! 

Kuroshitsuji ch 73

And Finally Ch 73 is out...mangareader got late with the scanlations but i found it yesterday so everything is ok...haha anyway, this ch wasn't any special, but better than 72, which didn't have any plot at all...I don't know, but I don't remember feeling as empty about the plot in other Arcs as I feel with this...Circus Arc was exciting in every chapter, even the Titanic/zombie arc was full of action, but the School Arc is so lame, and slow...Ciel's revenge was the only surprise in this whole arc...wasn't it? anyone? Seriously I really need to find out what the fuck is happening, not because it's thrilling but because this is getting boring!

Anyway, won't talk about the fanservice in this chapter, because we know Toboso likes to tease us, but no people, this doesn't mean we are seeing a SebastianxCiel soon...-___- some people is getting excited because of that....The last scene -image above- is the only thing that made me giggle like an idiot...I really like to see this two teaming up...but I felt Sebastian was so.... unnecessary?  I mean, he as great as he was on Jack the Ripper arc searching all the suspects' alibi and biographies, couldn't he be more accurate on his research about Derek Arden? and his lines were a little obvious...besides, what did he felt when touching Agares?, Why didn't he tell Ciel about this? I hope this idiot-always-falling-on-his-damn-face turns out to be something! A lot of people expect him to be a demon or vampire...If he is a demon it would be awesome..I don't want this manga to ends yet, but I want Toboso to develop the story a little bit more T^T Agares is the name of a demon, so crossing fingers until next chapter!
Did anyone else feel a little weird to see Ciel with such a strong arm? Isn't he supposed to be physically weak?

Please next chapter....Don't Make Ciel's effort in vain and ends up that this Arden guy is not in the violet dorm after everyone comes out because of the fire u_u 

still working

What would I write about...nothing than i'm so fucking screw right now...two weeks left and yes! I'm not happy at all....this weekend I went to my sister's and spend the day talking, eating and remembering old cartoons ... anyway...just making a stop over here to show how cute my screen looks hahahhaahha -i'm so stupid-

Today's 18th, that means, new Kuroshitsuji chapter, I already saw all the kuro fanartists on my TL getting excited by GFantasy hahaha

updating just because

I was gonna write about this day but i get depressed when I write about my "real life" stuff, Idk, anyway, I will just say that I ate TOO MUCH today (Breakfast, ice-cream, Quiznos, Crepe, coffee and a piece of chocolate cake) and my parents have cooked a lot for dinner...but I feel so fucking sick and pig I won't have dinner....besides, I feel SO TIRED! I did nothing today besides eat -_- and walk around with a friend talking shits...I wanted to draw something tonight, but i guess i'm going bed early. Tomorrow I'm going to my sister's place so, i'm kind of excited...

I have been suffering from a stupid teeth ache since 2 or 3 weeks ago, but now it's more painful....seriously, I can't take this pain anymore....before It just hurt when I eat but know it hurts just by open my mouth....it's not cavity because dentist said so hahahahah -__________- and I can't locate the pain, it just hurt in general...
I have even think about stop eating while this shit is over...I don't enjoy food because the pain is unbearable...and maybe it will help me to lose some weight until my portfolio event....oh stupid me...

clothes*clothes

I have been thinking about my look lately, I love wear scarves but this hipster thing just came to fuck up everything...now you can use them without being called Hipster...specially in a country as hot as mine...anyway, I saved some pictures as reference of the clothes I would like to wear...

I totally love this cords, the "prohibited" symbol is for the things I wouldn't use...I prefer converse and boots and NO purses ...Is so ironic how much I love shorts and how much I hate my legs...of course I don't wear them, but I would really like to ...this depress me a lot hahaha...

[side note: ARGH! seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this guy, he insists on taking me to print my shits along him in this place I don't fucking know! I just don't want to go somewhere else, I don't know how to say "No" politely after -like- 20th times now....fuck! let me do my things alone!]

Anyway! going to work

Can we love someone we don't know?

hahahhaha awwwwwwwwwwwn! I have a fake Birthday date and already got 3 congratulations xD -the account I'm using on FB was for games and shits and I haven't changed that....I think I won't hahaha-

ains! I just found Kuromitu twitter account! and she is so awesome, I never get tired of her cosplays

besides she is really cute!!! (*_^_*)!!!! I can talk about her the entire day, and sadly no one will listen...hahaha....I was talking about fandom and fangirls with my sister today, and I guess, i'm really close to become a horrible fangirl...well, my sister said I'm not, but im sure she thinks otherwise...

anyway...I wonder if it's possible to fall in love with someone from the internet? I mean, not only like their look, because that's what we see the most and only sometimes...but love their mind, or the person they pretend to be... I have been feeling a little uneasy about someone this days...I usually say that I'm in love with x person, but only stalk their pictures...this is the first time I feel the need of know who this person is, his fears, what makes him happy, why would he cry, everything...I have read like all his blog posts -sounds creepy I know- and think that this person's mind is fascinating....I don't know, makes me feel frustrated to think about how impossible is this to happen, everytime he replies to me, I get excited such like a stupid little girl, I even got blushed yesterday...when he talked to me....of course, our "conversations" -If i dare to call them like that- consist only by "thanks" and "you're welcome"....u_u yesterday I got really sad...but I guess, this is just a whim...(I'm not talking about Kuromitu of course, I would never be able to talk to her)

Today I went to look for something to wear on my portfolio event, and yeah.....it sucks....So deep inside of me wants to dress girly, wear a cute dress, high heels and a fancy hair...but there's a voice inside my head that say i will look stupid....really stupid...I tried on a skirt and hated it...my legs are not made to wear skirts...

hahahahaha....well, the first is celebrating how much I suck finding clothes....totally hate my legs...I look really stupid right?....I liked the skirt btw, but yeah...didn't buy it...

Going to sleep....

my head is playing dirty tonight

GOSH! I finished everything for tomorrow (T^T) but still need to work on my website...but I really don't want to do it right now...

I can hardly believe there's only 2 weeks left to finish, I'm always saying i'm excited and happy but tbh i'm fucking scared...it's like when I was on school and was freaked out to finish it, I didn't know what university i was gonna take, what career I would choose. But now it's worst...this is the real life, it's not a grade what's on game...Just to think about looking for a job drives me crazy...I'm not good talking to people, interviews and stuff are totally not my thing, besides, there's my stupid complex about my work, my fear of not being taken serious because of my style...not being able to respond as I should in graphic design...I really hate being so insecure, I really try my best, but sometimes I feel i'm just running in circles, pretending it will take me somewhere, and there's the me who is always saying "yeah! I want to be big, and work on anything to survive and success", and there's the only me who's wishing every night that the world will end in 3 months. Call me whatever you want, but sometimes I feel that when university ends, everything for me will...like I will shoot myself after that...haha, yeah, pathetic...

ANYWAY!
I'm going to do something else better...

...so predictable

hahahaha see!!!!!→ 

........................................................................................................................................................OTL

Give me a -fucking- break!

I see they like to give work to do at this hour...meanwhile they come with something new...

I'm going to sleep at 1:00 am u__u I don't care if they send me something else...too bad...at least it's not 3 am, but I feel so fucked up...I like the versatility of regular pens, they allow shadowing and lightning ...

oh yes, Ciel ↑ I don't care about what my sister says...

she's sick of me and my fandom, she's always complaining why I draw kuroshitsuji if I can draw my own characters...yes, i can, but i don't feel like doing it...it's like when I show her Himetsuka's work, her comments are always like "yes, i like them, but I would prefer to see original work" u__u she doesn't like anything! she doesn't know about this feeling of loving some characters, loving a manga or anime...the happiness inside a fanart...she hardly draws fanart...of course she makes me feel stupid, but the feeling this fucking manga gives me is enough to keep me doing this, I don't want to lose it in the same way i lose it with Kingdom hearts and Death note because of her words...I don't know, feel like -silly-ranting tonight...

Hurry UP! I want to play...

"...With you"

this is pretty much the despair I feel right now...Sebastian being exploited by me again...

Kuroshitsuji crack by Pichiko

Seems like I will never finish my portfolio.....need to change more things...>_<
Anyway, besides that, I have been working on my portfolio event, making last minute banners and shirts designs....I hate when that happens...and it's not my fault this time OTL

btw, I have been searching for more kuroshitsuji fanartists hahaha...and I just love how creepy is Pichiko's art.

it's like cute, 10000000% shota and weird hahaha that's why I love it. So out of character but so great!

I really want to know what's on her mind when she draws this stuff

her stuff makes me smile and LOL I really enjoy this!

ush! I really want to draw something rn!!!! but will work on the last project for my packaging class the whole night...OTL it's funny reading everyone talking about going back to school and how awful is it, and I'm almost done with classes, like I just have 2 weeks to finish........*starts to creeps out for the never ending shits she has to work on*

OH yeah! I really want this!!

Sexy notebook is sexy and more with Sebastian on it (*_^_*)!!!!

working so hard this day

hur hur! I have spent the entire day in front the computer (my legs hurt from being sit) ...and eating a lot too hahahaha OTL
YES! i get distracted pretty easy and that's why i didn't finish earlier...I haven't finished yet, but tomorrow I will be more willing to work...for now, will drink my coffee and enjoy what's left for this Saturday...

My portfolio is done, I just need my supervisor's authorization to print it! So I just need to finish my website! yes, I will make an art blog on tumblr, and then get rid off my DeviantArt account...or..should I keep it? IDK! D': anyway, tomorrow will work on it, so i'm kind of excited!

I have .....(just download another DJ by Himetsuka and now i forgot what I was writing...) btw, she upload a new pic in her blog.

Oh well, Going to sleep now! :)

reviewing some Kuro Doujinshis

haha...i download some Kuroshitsuji DJ tonight ...like 8 new DJs for my collection (●´ω`●)

This are YAOI, so if someone doesn't like this, i'm sorry!


Shina Himetsuka:

Dress Room (When i saw the cover was about the musical I got amused but then totally disappointing...)

....

well...a waste...too short and there's no plot at all, sadly Himetsuka sensei never surprise me with her DJ, but i download them because i'm a faithful fan (☆∀☆)

Pink no Koneko

Candy Doll by Naokitty(Pink no koneko) is a surprise, I don't understand what they are saying because it's in Japanese but I got excited when Ciel shot Sebastian....I really want to know what is this about because it seems interesting, there's blood and I'm not talking about Sebastian's shoulder hahahahahha 

Dafuq I just "read"...hahahaha that little Sebastian in the second panel made my night xD nothing to say because this is just about Ciel's underwear 

 Re: Chocolat is a serie of different stories, like 6 or 7 ....will just say Naokitty is perverse and likes orals a lot xD Sebastian is pretty horny in her stories 

I wasn't aware Sebastian likes honey that much xD -this reminded me that episodes from FUTURAMA where Lila eats a special honey and starts to hallucinate- hahahahaha idk why D:! LOVE the cover

Her art in this one is pretty nice, I already saw some pages from this DJ in her twitter and that's why i download it, but .... That little Sebastian was just unnecessary, but I guess he was the reason of this DJ, anyway..Somehow I feel sorry for Ciel xD pretty explicit...

I think this is her newest DJ, I like her art in this, again, the plot is a little confusing because I can't read Japanese :( Ciel is really Moe in this which is unappealing for me ... She is a total perv i must say, and I like it but there're moments I feel uncomfortable ;;;;;;;;;

In general, I liked all of them, also Himetsuka's ones. but I keep looking for a DJ where Ciel is not Out of character, I don't know, he is always so "giving" in DJ..

Ok, i'm done here...I feel a little pissed because my portfolio event, and people...Something tells me they are getting mad at me for something I haven't done...I hope i'm just being paranoid and nothing has to do with me u_u Going to sleep ...tomorrow need to finish a lot of things....

Friday...boring friday

Hi...It's friday, and there's too much to do...I can't even...
right now I feel really stupid for reasons I won't write because I don't want to touch this topic...
Anyway, I just read a blog, and geez...those words, that love...so perfect...I even cried a little, seriously, if someone is writing such beautiful words to you is because you must be a fucking Goddess...hahaha, anyway, this day i'm kind of sad..need to do something to distract my mind from this feeling...

I drew something simple tonight, and is funny that something as simple as this gave me hard time...the texture...I think is different from my usual things besides -looks like Ashe- hahaha...OTL

Jinko's art is beautiful

HI! ugh! I had to go to university today...my free day OTL!!!
It was a waste though, but at least I have nothing to do for tomorrow, so I have been looking Jinko Twitpic gallery xD...She is another Kuroshitsuji fanartist and I LOVE her style, but I don't like the way she colors u_u
So here come a little spam by Jinko

She has really cute art, and sexy too (;o;)! 

oh yeah, lately I have been talking with my ex, and it doesn't matter how bad I feel sometimes, I really enjoy talking to her, this make me happy, but will stay strong...(*`-´*)

I got a headache, and took 2 pills and drank coffee, but nothing works for me, at least it's not migraine...but I guess i'm going to bed early tonight

.....GEEZ...just 3 weeks to finish everything!!!! Excited but kind of scared, sometimes I wish the world would finish in 3 months u_u

btw, This is the original outfit I dreamed for the fanart I did last time:

(Big head...hahaha....crap...Why did i draw it? idk, because I have nothing to do with my life)