updating

I just had the best dream ever! (TT^TT)
I can only be the person I really want to be in my dreams, that's why they are dreams right? It was kind of porn-ish xD but I really like it hahaha
I just finish My portfolio and I'm a little happy about it, of course is not as amazing as I really want it. Of course I will change it later when everything ends and I could work in my entire freedom.

I found this artist Michelle Lee, she's such amazing! I have always love the illustrations with this cute/bizarre feeling her works give me ❤!!! 

Her work is terrific! She is so talented that makes me cry *ueueue*

I haven't drawn anything....it makes me sad being unable to do something in front of a piece of paper... :( 

btw, sorry for the entry yesterday...everything is so fragile in this world that makes me nuts, and sometimes, I'm not as strong as I would like to be...but I will get over this, it's not the first time and I know it wont be the last time but life goes on........*and that's what scare me* hahahahaha....sigh*

I feel like...

Shooting myself tonight....

instead of sleeping...

Finally exams are over and I can relax a little...between midterms, portfolio, my dog's dead and feeling depressed I could finally do everything on time and I'm quite proud of myself!

I wanted to draw something this weekend but nothing came to mind, so I feel a little frustrated...But I just did a "meme" for fun, you know, drawing a character in different styles, it's really fun, and kind of depressing hahahaha I am not as good as my favorite artist, so this is my attempt:

I chose my favorite styles, and those which has influenced me like Kousaka sensei and Watanabe Sensei (Of course, I can't even get close to her amazing style and this look so wrong (;o;)...) Asano sensei is the one I enjoyed the most.
*sigh*

Today I went to eat sushi with my sister and her BF, it was fun. But my sister made a comment I didn't like the way it sounded...I saw a girl from my school and said how sour all of my old classmates are now, and she said "sour and lesbian like you" ...... yes, I dated a girl, but I don't feel like I'm lesbian or whatever...I didn't find it wrong because I felt offended or something, not at all, it was weird...u____u anyway, talking about this is getting in the topic I wrote last time...and I have no words to make it sound credible...

Aww yeah, the things I have been eating and drinking....So lovely, but I'm fat...I gained weight so I should stop now! (>_<);;;;;;;;;

Camwhoring time

RIP Dimon/Dino/Dinon/Chucho/Damian

El no era el perro perfecto, pero era el mejor de todos! :( el amor de mi vida, el compañero de batallas, que aunque nos traicionaba cuando llegada alguien nuevo a la casa, al final del dia era el unico que se quedaba conmigo hasta las 5 de la mañana cuando tocaba desvelarse trabajando. El vino a hacer destrozos a la casa, y sin embargo junto a esos destrozos llegaron alegrias que hacian falta en esta casa. Me duele pensar que pudimos haber hecho mas por el, pero esta ultima decision, fue lo mejor que pudimos haber hecho por el...

:'( Lo amo tanto y lo extrañare demasiado...en estos momentos finalmente fue al terreno de mis padres, donde permanecera para siempre ahi...Espero que siga siendo el mismo tonto de siempre y que persiga muchos tacuazines en el cielo...

Shina Himetsuka makes me love her!

wow, according to internet, there's a broken heart syndrome and it's caused by stress...interesting, now I understand why I feel like that every time i got pretty busy...
Anyway, I have been working on my portfolio, and I'm scared, I'm having troubles making the pages design, It's really hard to find a perfect way to show my works...
Spending the day working on it sucks! my parents are not in town, it's not like I would go out and drink, or make a party in my house...not at all, but this would have been a great day to watch movies while eating junk food (*`ω´*) hahaha

btw, Kuroshitsuji updated and you know, I didn't like this time, it was like those boring chapters that had to be done because the story...I can tell Yana wasn't excited about this chapter because the art quality is poor compared to ch 71. Am i wrong? who knows, but it was really....duh, but the ending was like "Watch out! something really big is coming!" I think the only exciting about this new chapter is the poster (✪㉨✪) I read that is the first bathtub scene in G-Fantasy so it's special....It's really common to see naked Ciel so i'm not "WOW" but it's pretty different to the usual art.
Something I notice and makes me really mad xD is the fact Sebastian NEVER remove his gloves to wash dishes or Ciel D:!!!
If i'm not wrong, Ciel asked to Sebastian never show his contract mark, but just imagine Sebastian having his gloves wet makes me nervous! x_x it's a personal mania...it's as annoying as seing a dog eating with fork............................................get in my nerves! hahahahahaha....

Well, as I'm writing about Kuroshitsuji [AGAIN] Shina Himetsuka updated her pixiv again! (*^o^*)!!!
It's so beautiful!

It's ironic how much I love her art, but dislike her doujinshis, her art and covers are so full of details and so well done that is ironic that I find her DJ lacking details...simple art, few backgrounds and Ciel with a weird body and poses.. but she is still great!

I love when artists do this!!! makes me want to draw big in my sketch notebook xD and imagine how awesome would it be to give a look to her notebook  (;o;)!! I'm so in love right now! I really love the Kuro japanese fandom, I have notice that most of them are really neat, in their blogs you can find a lot of picture of flowers, european tea set, those little dolls of Sebastian and Ciel, and everything looks so vintage. It's like their fandom is not just a fandom but a lifestyle...making sense? 

Well...getting back to work in my portfolio! D:! I need extra time right now.....

my hair and more things...

This is going to be a really superficial entry xD
I was searching through my LJ, and geez...i'm such a camwhore , well, it was fun to see the different hairstyles i got during this time, here is missing the year when i dyed it red and use it curly hahaha 2008 was the year i started to worry about my look and then in 2010 i lost interest in it (I dyed it black and didn't cut it because i was depressed)...u___u

From 2008 to 2012

My friend is always telling me i got a perfect fringe, such a compliment to someone who since she is a little child dreamed about having one, and never did it because her hair was fucking curly and messy but now, thanks to the glorious straightener I can make miracles...but of course, the back of my hair is awful...and i use a pony tail because i have no time and no talent to do something about it now...I really miss my old short "Miku-ish" hair hahahaha

Anyway, end of the superficial information....

In other topic, my dog is like dying :( he is so sick, and get worse and worse...when he is in the Vet, he is hyper and happy, but getting home, he is so dead, tired and sad...Makes me think he hates us :( and of course my father bothers to make it even harder trying to give his own solutions (which are the opposite to the doctor's indications) I don't want my dog to die (;o;)

He is so sad and weak....It hurts a lot to see him like that, when he was usually so energetic and happy *cries*

This week i have been searching for places to present my portfolio, I know, My classmates have done more than me, but I have tried my best in it, and I'm tired...and scared to think i wont be able to finish my portfolio...I want to sleep right now, but i'm helping a friend with our work...

Me and my stupid mind

This is going to be a really personal entry...
I usually don't wonder this myself, I have never consider the possibility of coming out the closet as some people calls it...I do like girls, i feel attracted physically, emotionally, romantically to them, but i also like guys but it's just physical fixation for now because I have never date a guy so I haven't feel any closer connection with one.
Every time I think about having a relationship, I always see myself with a girl, Does it make me lesbian? Am I bisexual? I don't know, I don't feel identified to any of it, the only thing I know is that my feelings are true and I don't care about gender...

I talked about this with my ex once, and she said I should never say anything, why? when we were dating, I hated she was always saying I should date boys...why would she say that to her girlfriend?
My sisters know about this, but never asked me anything, they think this is a phase, my older sister is always saying "You just need to fuck a guy"...................I don't want to fuck a man to know what I really feel...I don't need it in fact...and my other sister just don't give a fuck but I'm sure she believes this is just a whim...

That's why i dont feel motivated to confess this to anyone, people don't take me seriously, and I wonder if i will die with this secret inside. I don't know if i will have a gf or bf in the future...not mention I hardly believe it...I don't know if I will be able to love again or if someone will love me someday...that's what i don't believe the most...stupid emo of me.

marriage, family and kids are not in my plan, I see myself alone you know, but sometimes I see people holding hands and I remember how nice is to feel someone loves you, and I get sad, some part of me want it so bad, but in the other hand, I feel i'm better off all by myself...even my parents don't believe someone would feel attracted to me, they always wonder if the guys coming home are looking for my sister, never for me...hahahahahahha am I that ugly? that boring? such a bad option? *sigh*

Of course I don't want to fall in love to be broke again, my last and only relationship was hard and complicated enough to destroy me in many levels, and it made me afraid of love...

Why things have to be too fragil?
Well, I don't know if I'm homosexual/pansexual/bisexual or whatever people calls it...the fact I don't identify as female has something to do with this? that's another topic...

In few words: since I was a child I enjoy play the male role in games, I never liked dresses, skirts, female clothing and shoes, now i hate them more; girls's talks annoy me, hate my body, my boobs, my curves way too much you can't imagine, Sometimes I find myself crying because i hate it all... always wonder what would it feels like to be a boy, have a dick, flat chest and stuff...u_u and i start to feel satisfy when i think about being male, it's like everything would be better for me...it's something I can't explain in words, and feel all alone when i realize no one understands it..........

Necesito acostarme un poquito

Estoy tan cansada, no puedo ni pensar en Inglés.

A pesar que logre salir con todo lo que tenía que realizar para esta semana, tengo encima todo el trabajo de mis segundos parciales, y todo lo que hay que hacer para la tercera unidad. Y todavia tengo que planear lo del evento del portafolio, porque aqui su servidora está en el comite de planificación y las personas con las que estoy soy un estres que no pueden ni siquiera ponerse de acuerdo para lugar en que nos reuniremos este fin de semana..*ue ue ue* (llora como Ebichu)

Además de eso, mis amigas estan bastante mal y no puedo evitar sentirme mal yo tambien, quisiera ayudarlas pero son cosas que estan fuera de mi alcanze y me siento bien inutil...mi perro se enfermo y en estos momentos se encuentra ingresado en la veterinaria :( Me han salido 2 fuegos en la boca y sospecho que en la garganta tambien, me duele mucho al tragar y al hablar...Solamente me siento cansada, no vencida eso si, no soy tan llorona y se que esta es nada más una semana ocupada, no siquiera dificil porque en comparación de otras cosas, esto es el paraiso u__u

Yume no Tsubasa

Hi! well, vacations are over and i went to the anime convention Yume no Tsubasa i mentioned last time. hahaha i didn't took pictures as i promised because i got depressed when I got there xD

But people on FB started to upload theirs so i stole some xD I went on Saturday, and there was only 2 cosplays i liked. There's a video (--____--) with the the "best" salvadorean cosplayers ....

BITCH MODE ON:

seriously, what's wrong with the first girl (LiliQuant, or whatever her name is) ????? I really don't like the way she poses :/

She was a guest from Costa Rica if i'm not wrong.... :/ 

She is awfully scary

This Len.....so depressing u____u 

But this "Miku" is offensive....I wanted to take a picture but she gave me her back...so rude bitch, anyway, the pic was for the LOL...u_u regret nothing anyway

they both won the 1st place (I guess), the Mustangs. I think they called themselves...first glance it was ok, but the more i saw it the more i hated it

 (There were much more, sadly i couldn't find a picture of the 2 cosplays I liked xD)

 anyway, people may say these cosplays are not bad, but I just don't like them... u__u or maybe, the thing i don't like are the people doing it..xD that's my personal opinion anyway. OTL



Despite it, I would like to be able to make cosplay hahahahaha but it's too fucking expensive, of course i would like to be like those who made their own costumes by themselves....I don't want my friend's mom to work in a cosplay i will take the whole credit :S that's just...I don't know...

This was my kind of....rant? xD well, bye!

Ashe/Victor Y U SO PERFECT!

I'm such a creeper! 

This single thing made my entire day!!!

hahahaha I started following this person because i saw his picture on TW and found him really beautiful, then found out more things about him that made me fall in love! [I won't explain about it because is up to him] then stalked enough to find his Tumblr account, FB, Youtube, blogs and you know...i am afraid of me xD

I'm seriously in love!!!

He has an also beautiful GF, and lives in USA (;o;) cry cry cry!!!! oh well, life is not perfect :'( 

I'm making a big deal about his follow...hahahaha;;;;;;;;; 

I felt really happy but having too much feelings inside and holding them is making me really sad...my sister is being a bitch just because she argued [like always] with her Boyfriend...NOT MY PROBLEM IDIOT! *sigh*

Having a fandom wouldn't be bad

*Hiperventilada*
I'm not a huge fan of Pink no Koneko/Naokishi's doujinshis, but i have read some of her works and i have liked them, so i got pretty excited when i found her Twitter account today xD
and I was stalking her images when i found something i love everytime someone does this:

I love to see the process of a drawing/page/design-anything- (must admit i prefer her pencil work than the digital version)

When i see things like this, makes me love their art even more, I don't know why, that's why i tend to do the same with my ugly drawings (;o;) and I spam with my sketches... :( 

All this wonderful doujinkas or fanart artists makes me wonder how beautiful must be to see your own characters in someone else style, being loved with the same passion you love them. I don't know if anybody else has felt the same about this, or am i the only stupid who has thought about it hahaha I really like my own characters, although i don't draw them too often now...It's like Hamlet Machine, her characters Abel and Cain became too popular that they have their own fandom, and a "series tag" in Y!Gallery hahahaha simply wonderful!

:) 

watching Mawaru penguin drum

Hi! i haven't write anything this days because i have been feeling a little depressed...
Today i went to drink coffee with a friend, and everything was ok until my father went to pick us and started talking bullshit...
I was planning go out with my friends this week, but everyone kicked my ass away from them u_u no one replied my inbox and well...guess i was the stupid one getting excited to see them and have a good time with them...

I'm like "I have no friends" right now...and everything feel so stupid, my parents getting annoying about me getting fat...it's like it's a fucking shame to have a fat daughter, i know it's not healthy but c´mon! it's not about make me feel like shit because i get hungry...the only shit i have had today is the fucking coffee i had with my friend, and i'm really pissed that I wont eat today....u____u idiot of me but whatever...got a headache because the lack of food i guess...

This entry and my attitude are pretty ridiculous and childish today but i'm really really pissed off....It's fucking Thursday and i haven't done none of my work...but i promise i won't complain about me getting late and not being able to finish on time hahahaha;;;;;;;;;

Oh yeah! getting a little cheered up. I have been watching Mawaru Penguin Drum

I really like this anime! i have just watch 6 episodes and is really great, when i first saw one scene i thought it was too absurd, but that's the magic about it, besides, I'm pretty sure this gonna get really sad so i'm preparing myself to cry like a baby with this story. Besides i love Kamba hahahaha well, the two brothers are pretty epic and Himari is really cute. Of course the penguins are awesome too haha

The opening song "Nornir" is really AWESOME!!!!