#4 I'm fine

Sometimes you don't need a reason to feel miserable, you just do. Feeling like you can't control anything but the urge, feeling like you have nothing worth giving or sharing and they give you something to hide and stories behind. Hiding yourself from people but wishing they would notice and understand who you are... Feeling stupid for doing this but this is all you can do for yourself. The irony of feeling proud for having them, for showing them, for expecting others to see and know how you feel... Basing your worth by how big or deep or visible the wound is, because if you didn't go all the way through you are a coward, trash. Hate yourself for doing it but hate yourself more for not doing it often. Faking smiles every day is annoying , faking being normal is exhausting when all you can think about is to end it all...sometimes you don't need a reason to feel miserable, you just do. 

Just some thoughts

Hello!!!
I should be sleeping but I feel like writing something.
I wrote that I had a lot to write about in my previous entry...haven't got the chance to do it ha ha I fail a lot at keeping up with my blog...(Is this correct? my English sucks a lot)

I don't know how to write this but lately I have been really happy every time Akiharu Tsukiyama / Miku post something. He stop using twitter which make me sad but he must have his reasons, and it's ok if he wants to move on. He made his account in 2010 right? maybe...anyway. I love this man to death, even though I find him a little annoying sometimes. I used to write a lot about him in my diary, and print all his pictures...hahaha I was really happy thinking about him. I never considered this as infatuation but admiration. When I was on LJ, there was this blog that translated the Ancafe blog and I loved to read Miku's entries. He was always so honest and I identified with him a lot. I don't know if it is because we are both Capricorn, but I thought our personalities were pretty similar(I sound stupid I know...) He just became really important to me.
He's always trying his best, he even push himself more than he should. He used to write about the things that made him happy, about his depression, insecurities and weakness and I really admire how strong he is despite everything...he has mature a LOT.
He has been my inspiration, and must confess that I have always wish I could look like him too...this may sound even more stupid but I love his hair and the way he looks. He doesn't look as cool as other Jrockers but when he dress well he looks stunning (=3=)

I can't stop loving him like the first time I realized he was important to me

And I can't ignore this picture over here ↓ ↓ 

Miku or Akiharu, whatever you want to call him, please never change. I know he is not perfect but I love him with all his flaws and that's it...I could write about this guy everyday, long and long entries, but I will keep a lot of things to myself. I think that there are not even words to describe what he has done to my life and why he is so important to me. Not just as an idol to his fan but as a person. I feel lucky to know he exist. 

Resolutions?

When I sat down to write my resolutions this year, I didn't want to make a list of things I'd be really afraid of not doing, so I just wrote:

"Don't give up"

But now that I think about it, maybe there´re some things I would really like to achieve this year. I don't know if I will have the time to do them, but it would be good to never forget them.

Well, they are not personal things like losing weight or being positive, but actual things like draw something.

Ok, here I go:

1. Finish the requests before February 

2. Draw a doujinshi (Kingdom Hearts doujinshi to be more specific, I have the story written somewhere. I hope that when I read it back I remember the little details I thought and maybe, didn't write then)

3. Make my own comic (it wouldn't be the first comic I draw but it would be the first comic I would like to share, so it has to be good or at least, decent. I have been thinking about the characters, and how it would go, but I need to think a lot of things yet)

and that's it ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

Is Disney really that bad?

Hi!
I have been reading a lot of people complaining about Disney being racist. Of course this is not new, but it's like a lot of people got offended by Frozen (because there wasn't any PoC, as they say) calling it racist (again) and sexist...
Yeah, as I said on my twitter, Disney has made a lot of mistakes, and of course they would aim for a certain public over the world. But I can't help to roll eyes every time someone brings this issue to the table...

We can't deny that Disney tries to have diversity, (maybe they haven't made their best in this issue) we have Pocahontas, Mulan, Aladdin, The Princess and the frog, Lilo and Stitch and other I don't remember right now . Not as much as all their other movies with white and blond characters, but they are there.
I don't come to defend Disney and say that they are a beautiful company who gives us cute stories and lovable characters. But the reason your child can't relate to this characters because they are white is not Disney fault but ours as society and yours as a parent.

A lot of kids don't care about Rapunzel's blond hair or Anna's white skin, they love them as characters, because they are smart, strong, brave and fun. Why don't we try to teach our kids and ourselves to embrace this qualities instead of pointing out their skin color only. 

I must confess that I thought that people say Frozen was sexist because Anna was so focus on finding "the One" and everyone believed that "True Love" meant a kiss from the guy she loved. Not because someone (from the animation crew, I guess) made a comment about "animating girls is hard" and because Disney cut a lot of (almost all) female characters on the original story of "The Snow Queen"...The story is an adaptation, and what a I like the most is that there are not weak characters in it. How can it be sexist when the females characters are the strongest and bravest? Then, there's the issue that all the characters are white..............

I have read a lot of text posts on Tumblr about offended teenagers saying that they couldn't relate with Ariel or Cinderella as kids because they were not the same race as them. And freaking out because their little cousin said the same. Yeah, it must have been horrible to felt excluded. But why do you think that you can only relate to someone who has the same skin color as you and not because you are both capable to change the world, believing in yourself and never let anyone to tell you the contrary? Cinderella, behind the look of the Damsel in distress, is a character who teach that to believe is enough, that you can dream and change your reality and become someone. (Not saying that she was a nobody when she was a maid, but the idea that everyone said that because she was a maid she could never aspires to be chose by the Prince, for example) With this, your daughters can realize that they can achieve and be everything they want, not listening when others try to make them feel they are unworthy, they just have to believe in themselves. NO that they can achieve things if they are white and beautiful (bc Cinderella was clearly better looking than anyone in that damn movie) and that they need to meet the charming prince to marry and be rich.

Sometimes we need to relax the fuck off and try to see things with a different perspective. I'm not saying that we should cover our eyes and pretend that everything is good and honey like, blessing ignorance. But we can try to take what's really important and you will realize how beautiful life is when you do it.

There are other more important things that need our attentions than a Disney movie, Don't you think?

Of course I respect everyone's opinion and this is just mine

Ephemeral

Guess who's been drawing to avoid reality.
As my alter bunny says, I feel miserable right now. I don't know if it's because I have been listening to Supercell -their songs make me super sad- or bc I can't help to think that I can't do anything right.
I don't know what to do with my life, I got projects and tomorrow I will have a meeting with friends to work on a freelance, it's not like I don't have things to do even though I don't have a job.

Today I got really nice messages on Deviantart, and I should feel happy. My parents are not in town and I have been able to rest and draw all day. I don't have anything to complain about But I can't help to feel sad...
I just want to cry and disappear but tears don't come out.
I have felt like this the whole last weeks, but today I made my hair, maybe looking a little decent would make me feel better. It did but....it's not enough...

What's worse, I don't have anyone to talk about this. That's why I started drawing today. Used the damn tablet and finally do something. The Sora over there is looking pretty decent to me -I guess- I have been using trivial stuff to makes me smile, like Ancafe's new PV, listening to vocaloid again, checking my deviantart (I had months since last time I got in there) being on tumblr and laugh at stupid anime jokes. And all that is so ephemeral...I don't talk to friends because I don't have anything to talk about than this shitty feeling. I don't want to bother anyway.

I really don't want to go out tomorrow. I want to sleep the whole day and don't think about anything at all.

Incredibly Invasive Questions

Found this on TUMBLR, so I decided to do it

• 1. Describe the scent of your shampoo.// I don't know how to describe it more than regular shampoo scent 
• 2. What does your favorite bra/boxers look like?// I don't have any favorite bra/boxer hahaha yeah, I'm doing well with this questions
• 3. Shotgun or backseat? // what? shotgun! you never know when a zombie apocalypses will happen
• 4. Hardcover or softcover? // Hardcover
• 5. Do you play an instrument? // Never learned any
• 6. What color is your room?// white
• 7. Favorite celebrity hair? // 
  
  Miku's hair *Q*
• 8. If you could switch places with (insert name) for a day, what would you do? hahaha have many names in my head right now that I won't answer this 
• 9. What was your childhood "security blanket?"// I don't know if this can be considered as a security blanket, but drawing was the only thing that make me feel comfortable and safe 
• 10. Do you like men who wear Axe?// I've never known what Axe smell like
• 11. Are you wearing any pants right now? // yes, I only wear them
• 12. Most rebellious thing you have ever done?// I'm a saint -_-
• 13. Least favorite teacher? Why? // maybe my language and grammar teacher in highschool, he always made fun of me in project presentations and never called me by my real name. For some reason I was Angelica in his classes
• 14. First thing you wash in the shower?// My hands :'3
• 15. What is the thing you brag about most often? // ironically, my drawing skill. I say 'ironically' because i always complaint about it too
• 16. Most played song on your Ipod/Itunes? // Sanctuary by Utada Hikaru and Bird by Yuya Matsushita 
• 17. If you're in your room, look at the first photo you see. Whats the story behind it? // I don't have photos in my room
• 18. Any fanfic recs for (insert pairing here)? // I don't read fanfic -_-
• 19. What movie are you most looking forward to in the next year?// I'm looking forward World war Z but I guess it releases on May this year *o*
• 20. What would you say if Taylor Swift asked you out?// I'm never ever ever ever ever ever going out with you
• 21. How many asks have you gotten in the last 24 hours?// on tumblr? none :D
• 22. What is your number one otp?// hahaha Axel x Sora. They were my first otp I unconscionably shipped
• 23. Should you be doing homework right now? What subject? // No, I don't have homeworks anymore ;D
• 24. What is your wifi password?// too long to remember it
• 25. Whats the last thing you ate?// an orange flavored bread my father baked
• 26. Ever had any near death experiences?// When I was a baby
• 27. Whats the story behind your nickname?// FrauenCain, I've been using this username since high school.  I never wanted to be seen as a girl online, so i chose Cain because Kaori Yuki's character from Count Cain. And I liked how Frauen (which mean "Señorita") sounds. I thought it was a clever way to be non-female and non-male hahahah
• 28. Favorite chapstick flavor? Don't use chapstick -_-
• 29. Choose one thing on your fridge and tell the story behind it.// what? there's no story more than it was bought at the supermarket :V
• 30. Whats the last thing you bought? // A black dress :D for my graduation ceremony 

getting back to death note again...

Wow...I have been so absent that it's not even funny...well, I have been struggling with depression again, and I don't want to puke words full of bullshits.
This last weeks had a lot of drama and misunderstandings. I'm so mad at a friend rn, well, If I can still call her my friend...tbh I don't mind losing someone like her, she is so fake I don't even give a shit...what made me mad is because she caused troubles between another friend -who I really love and care about- and me. But I guess everything is going well for now.

also, I found out about "Death Note/Another Note: The Los Angeles BB murder cases"...Death Note is the manga that changed my life...what kind of fan I am if I didn't know about this novel!!! I decided to re-read DN manga before reading this novel. Lots of memories come back to me! I enjoyed drawing DN fanarts a lot then, don't know why i stopped...

I have been learning some Kpop choreographies LOL I suck at dancing but it's fun...My body hurts so much right now that I don't want to try it for now...I really want to learn those for reasons...oh yeah, I'm on vacations! Last month I had the last class left to finish the career...then there's only one seminary left and then official graduation (*`O´*) I can't believe I did it, BUT.....this doesn't make me happy at all...

Cannot believe I forgot How much I enjoyed drawing this dude, is Raito btw, hahaha this looks pretty lame, like a ID picture...planning on doing something "interesting" with this portrait...

Jinko's art is beautiful

HI! ugh! I had to go to university today...my free day OTL!!!
It was a waste though, but at least I have nothing to do for tomorrow, so I have been looking Jinko Twitpic gallery xD...She is another Kuroshitsuji fanartist and I LOVE her style, but I don't like the way she colors u_u
So here come a little spam by Jinko

She has really cute art, and sexy too (;o;)! 

oh yeah, lately I have been talking with my ex, and it doesn't matter how bad I feel sometimes, I really enjoy talking to her, this make me happy, but will stay strong...(*`-´*)

I got a headache, and took 2 pills and drank coffee, but nothing works for me, at least it's not migraine...but I guess i'm going to bed early tonight

.....GEEZ...just 3 weeks to finish everything!!!! Excited but kind of scared, sometimes I wish the world would finish in 3 months u_u

btw, This is the original outfit I dreamed for the fanart I did last time:

(Big head...hahaha....crap...Why did i draw it? idk, because I have nothing to do with my life)

Saturday....stupid saturday

Hi! well...this was such an unproductive day hahaha...
I went to the dentist and then do nothing...

First, I found this and can't help to find it really cute!!! she's one of the cosplayer i posted some entries earlier

they look so cute! and that Alois!!!!! so fucking perfect!

-end of commercial-

I was drawing a Leon S. Kennedy to a friend, she loves him as much as I do, so I really want to make it right! of course, i'm having troubles doing it because Leon is manly, handsome and perfect...and my drawings are shota-like and the total opposite to Capcom character design...

-Crappy picture- Doesn't look like Leon at all...keep on working on this until I find him decent...(-____-)
And While I was searching for references, I found some screen from the new Resident Evil movie.....damn....that shit is so fucking annoying and OFFENSIVE! like, they took some scene from RE4 to remake them in the movie with Alice and Ada...FUCK YOU! Just like the majini that appeared in the last movie and has nothing to do in there... :/
If I'm going to watch that movie, I will go with someone who'll hate it as much as i do, you know, for the LOLZ...
Last time I watched it with my ex, and she likes the movies, so i can't say anything in front of her, because I loved the way she got excited and scared when we watched it, even I started to like it a little...but they are not something I will defend...

So i wanted to play RE4 today, and damn....I missed a lot every head shot and got in troubles with the stupid regenerador....this is like the easiest one you can find in the island, but no, I almost died in there...

-Momento de pánico-

Anyway....changing topic...

wow...I had a entire year since i went to clean my teeth, I got grounded by the doctor...I have to go back on December, geez...I know I have to, but I just don't like to go, first, my doctor always has a little girl helping her...why?! why don't you get someone who knows about the job with you?! why are they always 12 years old girls...of course I feel bad having two people looking at me with my mouth wide opened ....IT'S TOO AWKWARD! xD Why am I complaining about this? I have nothing remarkable to write about

Hur hur! all "cool" to face my "destiny" in the damn clinic...lame...

Oh yeah...I was acting childish this week...you know, ignoring people because of my depression, but yesterday I couldn't help to write to my ex u____u....you know, every time I write to her something happened...It's like I feel something is wrong and there I go, asking her if everything is ok and never is ok...well, sometimes are just little things but now is something big and I'm really sorry for her :( life is fucking unfair...and after several months, I could talk to her...and we watched a movie...I know i can't solve her problems, and I can't make her forget about it, but at least, I want her to feel she has someone to rely on...but...i realized something...I wont write about it because i don't want to sound like an idiot....details....

Going to bed....need to finish this drawing, homeworks and then another drawing for a friend's sister :D

my hair and more things...

This is going to be a really superficial entry xD
I was searching through my LJ, and geez...i'm such a camwhore , well, it was fun to see the different hairstyles i got during this time, here is missing the year when i dyed it red and use it curly hahaha 2008 was the year i started to worry about my look and then in 2010 i lost interest in it (I dyed it black and didn't cut it because i was depressed)...u___u

From 2008 to 2012

My friend is always telling me i got a perfect fringe, such a compliment to someone who since she is a little child dreamed about having one, and never did it because her hair was fucking curly and messy but now, thanks to the glorious straightener I can make miracles...but of course, the back of my hair is awful...and i use a pony tail because i have no time and no talent to do something about it now...I really miss my old short "Miku-ish" hair hahahaha

Anyway, end of the superficial information....

In other topic, my dog is like dying :( he is so sick, and get worse and worse...when he is in the Vet, he is hyper and happy, but getting home, he is so dead, tired and sad...Makes me think he hates us :( and of course my father bothers to make it even harder trying to give his own solutions (which are the opposite to the doctor's indications) I don't want my dog to die (;o;)

He is so sad and weak....It hurts a lot to see him like that, when he was usually so energetic and happy *cries*

This week i have been searching for places to present my portfolio, I know, My classmates have done more than me, but I have tried my best in it, and I'm tired...and scared to think i wont be able to finish my portfolio...I want to sleep right now, but i'm helping a friend with our work...

Me and my stupid mind

This is going to be a really personal entry...
I usually don't wonder this myself, I have never consider the possibility of coming out the closet as some people calls it...I do like girls, i feel attracted physically, emotionally, romantically to them, but i also like guys but it's just physical fixation for now because I have never date a guy so I haven't feel any closer connection with one.
Every time I think about having a relationship, I always see myself with a girl, Does it make me lesbian? Am I bisexual? I don't know, I don't feel identified to any of it, the only thing I know is that my feelings are true and I don't care about gender...

I talked about this with my ex once, and she said I should never say anything, why? when we were dating, I hated she was always saying I should date boys...why would she say that to her girlfriend?
My sisters know about this, but never asked me anything, they think this is a phase, my older sister is always saying "You just need to fuck a guy"...................I don't want to fuck a man to know what I really feel...I don't need it in fact...and my other sister just don't give a fuck but I'm sure she believes this is just a whim...

That's why i dont feel motivated to confess this to anyone, people don't take me seriously, and I wonder if i will die with this secret inside. I don't know if i will have a gf or bf in the future...not mention I hardly believe it...I don't know if I will be able to love again or if someone will love me someday...that's what i don't believe the most...stupid emo of me.

marriage, family and kids are not in my plan, I see myself alone you know, but sometimes I see people holding hands and I remember how nice is to feel someone loves you, and I get sad, some part of me want it so bad, but in the other hand, I feel i'm better off all by myself...even my parents don't believe someone would feel attracted to me, they always wonder if the guys coming home are looking for my sister, never for me...hahahahahahha am I that ugly? that boring? such a bad option? *sigh*

Of course I don't want to fall in love to be broke again, my last and only relationship was hard and complicated enough to destroy me in many levels, and it made me afraid of love...

Why things have to be too fragil?
Well, I don't know if I'm homosexual/pansexual/bisexual or whatever people calls it...the fact I don't identify as female has something to do with this? that's another topic...

In few words: since I was a child I enjoy play the male role in games, I never liked dresses, skirts, female clothing and shoes, now i hate them more; girls's talks annoy me, hate my body, my boobs, my curves way too much you can't imagine, Sometimes I find myself crying because i hate it all... always wonder what would it feels like to be a boy, have a dick, flat chest and stuff...u_u and i start to feel satisfy when i think about being male, it's like everything would be better for me...it's something I can't explain in words, and feel all alone when i realize no one understands it..........

Ancafe nuevo PV

Wow...pense que no llegaría a terminar las cosas para esta semana, y me sorprendo a mi misma que si he sido capaz de salir con todo! Creo que he logrado trabajar un poco más rapido, seguro si no me distrajera mucho, todo sería mejor, pero eso es algo que aun sigo tratando de mejorar.
Este día llevo una materia de los primeros ciclos, y no se que sentir cuando todos se dan cuenta que este me año egreso y me dicen que tienen envidia...ellos lo ven como algo super, yo lo veo con mucho miedo xD pero seguramente ese sería mi mismo sentimiento si me encontrara iniciando la carrera.

Nada bueno, solo esperando con ansias la proxima semana :D Hoy fui a tomar cafe sola y ps, para matar tiempo dibuje algo...la resolucion de la camara es malisima......

Oww!!! Ancafe ya mostro su nuevo PV...y honestamente, me siento un poco decepcionada...quizas la cancion que escogieron no es la mejor, pero siento que dos años de paron para que regresen con una cancion que suena similar a las del peor album que sacaron [Gokutama Rock cafe] es un poco triste :'( para mi como fan...

Sin embargo, me gustan los colores del PV, pero siento que dan por sentado que Ancafe es dulce y divertido que rayan en lo ridiculo...espero que el disco en general sea mejor que esa cancion.

Ah...souda na!

Hi! it's monday again (;o;) and sadly it's Over and yes, it's full of work..

As i wrote, i went to my sister's place this weekend, it was really cool, we watched the Alien trilogy. I thought it would get boring, but i really enjoyed it so it was a good time!














That's me camwhoring before leaving to my sister's....--____--;;;;;;;
I haven't drawn anything, and it feels kind of lame, but i have re-read the kuroshitsuji manga. And when you do sometime twice, you realize things you let go at first. And found funny this thing...

Is this good looking dog...Sebastian? i mean, Ciel named the demon by his dog name...xD
Tbh, i don't bring anything worth reading. Waiting like crazy next week, which is a week off, vacations (^o^) i doubt i will to the amusement park but i want to eat churros! that's a deal with myself! >:(! JUM!

I found this blog:
http://guerreroagustina.blogspot.com/

Seriously, this are the thing i would like to do! :) Love her stuff, really clever and funny!
Ok, back to work!

Nothing really....

It's not a big deal, but i'm really happy i did everything i planned to do today, and i even did a drawing xD
as i said, this week, work is really easy :)
I should be sleeping but i want to listen to music i don't have on my cell :( hahaha damn!

Just updating because....
I found this image on tumblr

Where is it from??? :'( it's so perfect! i DON'T like the Sebastian x Claude stuff, but this is really cool D:

I'm not that interested about pairings or ships or canons or whatever...i mean, everyone can ship whatever they want, i ship unpopular pairings most of the time, and i really don't care, but something i dont like is that, Sebastian x claude, i understand why people support it, but....it looks wrong for me.hahaha. They hate each other, and they are both demons, i don't even think something between Hannah and this two gentlemen could happen either. But that's my point of view.

I realized i'm really insecure as Graphic designer...i had to work in two pieces today and i was really nervous, at the end my clients loved them but something makes me feel they just don't care about the result :( they just want the work done...that's something i should improve, being more confident about my own work...

meh....nothing special

Hi! it's Sunday and thanks god i don't have to attend university tomorrow :) After this coming week everything will get harder, and busier :( so i want to relax right now...
I love so much Kuroshitsuji II OST...specially the song Fragile mind or The Slightly Chipped Full Moon (i found it with both names) the one that's played in the last episode :'(

Oh well...Some people has told me they would be interested in the doujinshi about ClaudexCiel, and well, i really want to draw it, so i took some notes about the story running in my head xD just in case i forget how the story was...
I found out Yukito Nishii will be in a new Dorama called Kuro no onna Kyoushi, about -in really few words- a biologist teacher who becomes really pro solving problems at night. It sounds really interesting and the trailer is really cool, i hope i could watch it some day :)
And i started reading the manga "Another", i was searching for Tasogare Otome x Amnesia yesterday and some people mentioned this other manga, because it seems they are similar. So let's see if this is good enough for me.
And Shina Himetsuka updated her pixiv again (;o;) I love her art so much!

This is not her new work, but is my favorite one non Kuroshitsuji related, Miku and Luka never looked better before xD her clothes design is really awesome and the details are stunning! *sigh*
Yesterday i talked with my ex, and i really missed her but well, i'm happy everything is going pretty well with her :) She was concerned about me because some situations going on with some people at university but i really don't care about this people. It was really nice of her.

I don't know what to do right now, i'm hungry, i haven't breakfast or lunch u____u  

Tasogare otome x amnesia Y U NO UPDATE!

It's already 4 pm and my day hasn't even started yet D:
Today my ex invited me to lunch with her and her girlfriend....u__u i said no, because i'm a little busy right now, you know, the usual, and second...yesterday was their anniversary so i'm not going to celebrate something i disagree...
btw, i really want Tasogare Otome x Amnesia to update!!!! last night i read the last chapter and i loved the colored page

When i first read it, i always imagined Niiya kun with white hair :/ but he has brown light hair. I didn't recognized him in the first colored pages hahaha but i really like the characters design. This manga makes me want a ghost friend xD and the story is really sweet but really depressing....imagine yourself in love with someone you will never be able to be with....a ghost....or worst...a living person -in Yuuko's place- I usually feel really sorry for Yuuko because she is stuck for "life" inside the school..being able to spend time with her loved one only in school hours :( and of course, Niiya wont be at school every fucking time of his life..and it seems, this ghost is not the kind of those who follows you when you bother them...that would be really convenient...i really don't know what's going to happen in the story, and it makes me mad! i want it to update faster!!! T_T well, i always get mad with my favorite mangas...like Oyasumi punpun...that update twice a year (;o;)
I love the art style by Maybe (mangaka) -sometimes poses are really stiff and weird, but i don't mind at all- and i love all the fanservice this manga has xD i guess it can't be helped...this mangaka is known by her hentai works, so this manga is really a surprise for me...they have only kiss each other xD and of course...Niiya is just 12 years old O_O i won't expect something else ....that would be a crime...but i seriously LOVE IT!!!! i don't like the anime version u_u

I didn't go out today but this was my fabulous lunch ........ and me talking about getting fatter yesterday hahaha;;;;;;;;;; i regret nothing!!

*sigh* i got reported in Y!Gallery hahahhaha because i forgot the "Shota" filter in my "Oyasumi Danna-sama" u_____u oh well, i was forgave by Y! staff...sorry!!!!


OK! i have to work!!!! bye!!!

(Syao hizo livestream ayer...y hahahhaha cada vez mas me convenzo que es perfecta T_T...porque estoy tan lejos de ella....)

Spiderman is great! :D!!!

Today i watched The Amazing Spiderman, and yeah! it's A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!!!! I love Spiderman since long time ago, i haven't read the comics, just the strips on the newspapers, but i grew a deep love for the character, so i was really excited to watch this new version, and i seriously loved it! The picture above was my -awesome- lunch! i feel like a pig but it was really yummy

I won't write about the movie because i can't describe in words how amazing it is :D anyway, i'm really tired right now, got a headache and besides everything went great today, i'm a little sad...but who cares :)

I wanted to draw something when i got home, but i fell asleep D: so nothing was done, maybe next time!

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!! 

Kuroshitsuji (again) y mis fantasmas mentales...

mmmm la animación general de esta serie, no le hace justicia al estilo de dibujo de Yana Toboso, pero admito que acepto que no existan contradicciones de estilo tan marcadas como en Dragon Ball Z, me refiero a que el estilo es igual en casi todos los episodios, se vuelve mejor cuando hay secuencia de pelea, como cuando Sebastian pelea por primera vez con Ash en la torre Eifel, y no es como DBZ en que en un episodio son buenisimos y al siguiente, el dibujo es un asco...

Bueno, termine de ver la primera temporada y no me dejo la sensacion agridulce que pense que me dejaria, tampoco fue fantastica. Ame el episodio donde Sebastian abandona a Ciel. (Ya mencione que amo ver a Ciel miserable, es demasiado perfecto para mi gusto) y solo afirme mi opinion que Ciel es un imbecil sin Sebatian xD pudiendo irse en tren el muy inteligente pide aventon...Oh Ciel...


Sebastian y Ciel, perdonenme por no amarlos en su debut 


He comenzado a ver nuevamente la segunda temporada, solo para aclarar las dudas y confusiones que me dejo por el vacio que tuve la primera vez a falta de la primera temporada, y viendolo ahora, entiendo esas "miradas" que se hacen algunos personajes en algunas escenas. Y he notado el cambio al color de ojos que le hicieron a Ciel, o solo yo los noto diferentes? Y es gracioso ver lo mucho que amo esa temporada. A penas estaba viendo los primeros 5 minutos del primer episodio y tenia una sonrisa en la cara xD o sera que la misma Toboso y Shiba me arruinaron la imagen de Claude como un mayordomo excepcional, no puedo tomarlo en serio hahaha y por eso lo amo! 


Cambiando un poco el tema, ayer que llegaron mis amigas, termine un poco decepcionada, no es que no disfrute estar con ellas, es solo que siempre tengo grandes expectativas de nuestras reuniones, que terminan siempre estando ellas viendo television u_u quizas porque espero hacer algo diferente a lo que hago siempre...lo peor es que no tengo nada que comentar...solo que cada vez me siento mas desconectada de todos. Mi madre ha venido con un sabor agridulce de san miguel, fueron a visitar a mi abuela y obviamente mi abuela ya esta más cansada, y sola...y eso le ha perturbado a ella, no la culpo, sin embargo, me hace pensar....lo poco que me importa la condicion de ella, y de mi familia...


¿Que tan comprometida estoy de las personas que me rodean? nada....no siento empatia con ninguno, solo los veo como personas que eventualmente se iran de mi vida, y nuevamente estare sola y volvere a comenzarlo todo...en esos aspectos soy egoista, y creo que nadie esta enterado de eso...y no estoy nada orgullosa de mi por este tipo de pensamientos. Les llamo "amigos" sin ni siquiera identificarme con ellos, la unica persona con la que llegue a sentirme conectada, me decepciono terriblemente, y quizas por eso he desarrollado una apatia hacia todos los demas...por esta persona llegue incluso a menospreciar los abrazos de mi madre y aun hoy no soporto las muestras de cariño que rara vez me dan mis padres...para mi todo es un montaje, una obligacion moral.....no puedo decirle "te quiero" a nadie, ni a mi familia, porque no lo siento, y se que eso es lo que me aleja de todos y es la razon de mi soledad, yo sola lo genero y estupidamente espero a alguien que me saque de esta condicion, aunque me convenzo cada dia que nadie llegara :) 


Cada vez mi muro de proteccion se hace más grueso y alto...

Hallucination

(;o;) aun no tengo idea como fui capaz de salir con todo!! solo me hace falta hacer un manual de marca para el lunes y termino D': 


Este día nos fue demasiado bien en la presentación, una de las ventajas de ser ya "veterano" en la universidad es que sobresales cuando todos tus demás compañeros son de nuevo ingreso. Y sin ser mala onda, a muchos, por no decir todos, les hace falta mejorar aspectos gráficos. Gracias a dios no me pusieron a criticar algunos proyectos, porque hubiese caido bastante mal u___u pero son cosas que deberían decirse para mejorar! 

Luego de las clases fui a almorzar y tomarme un cafe, cuando regrese a casa estaba demasiado muerta como para seguir trabajando y desfalleci totalmente, odio quedarme dormida mas de una hora porque no puedo levantarme despues, y las ganas de quedarse acostado son más fuertes que la obligación de trabajar en mi parcial. Pero bueno, son las 12 am y ya avanze la mayor parte :) asi que en estos momentos aunque muera en sueño, aprovechare para seguir viendo Kuroshitsuji xD o sino, Suzuki Sensei, esos dilemas en mi vida................................................................................................................

Mañana vienen mis amigas y estoy entusiasmada, pero tambien un poco triste, porque mi ex parece que no vendra....no la dejo su noviecita ¬_¬ .....naa, se que no puede por el trabajo, pero me hubiera gustado mucho verla, tengo como un mes de no verla y pues, me hace falta :( ironicamente a pesar de todo el coctel de sentimientos que me hace sentir...

La vez pasada fui a buscar "envases novedosos" para mi taller de empaques, y encontre esta crema, que me enamoro en el momento en que la vi. Creo que influye mucho el color ♥ aunque no lo paresca, soy una persona de colores rosados xD (no se porque escribo de esto siendo tan irrelevante hahaha)

En mis momenticos de procrastinacion, encontre un fanart de Himetsuka sensei que amo tanto!!!

Es HERMOSO y lo mejor de todo es que estan en su version Smile y Black (*_^_*) Quisiera tanto llegar a hacer fanarts de esa calidad tan maravillosa!! Lo que me hace pensar que pronto tendre que hacer recopilación de mis ilustraciones para el portafolio y no creo tener una buena coleccion para mostrar :( sobretodo porque no he dibujado nada decente en estos años y cuando lo he hecho, son puros fanarts...me dicen que esos pueden ir, pero tengo mis reservas respecto a eso D: no se que hare...Pero que bah! ahorita quiero relajarme y no seguir agregando mas nudos en la espaldas del estres que siento (;o;)

Por cierto, no existen palabras que me hagan expresar lo que esta canción me hace sentir, Hallucination de Yuya Matsushita D':

Its wonderful, under the sea no one will use a knife or a frying pan

I need a break!!! seriously i'm close to collapse (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) I haven't stop since Monday...lie, since last weekend...
Anyway, writing about my -never ending- university projects is lame, I am just too tired to even think, and yeah, i'm writing this in English because i want to wake my brain a little bit to keep on working...

While working i had to distract myself from work and did something really stupid xD porn is needed..of course this is not even close...

I started to feel really uneasy tonight, depressed, maybe it's the stress and frustration i am feeling right now, and then i realized that i was jealous...i really don't understand myself...I got over my ex but i still feel...mad[?] about her...
It's like i love her and hate her at the same point. I can be missing her, but then she starts to write in her twitter, i get pissed...why?? i get jealous she talks with other people, with her girlfriend, and then i want her to disappear...and of course i feel really bad then, for having such selfish thoughts...

It's ironic, maybe i just want someone to tell me something nice right now, as i used to cheer her up when she was stressed and tired, she never say anything to me...it's like i don't even exist in her world, and that makes me miserable. because she can count on me anytime, but i can't count on her....never....oh well...it doesn't matter, i guess...

btw, A guy from our university sent flowers to my sister and it's awkward because she has a boyfriend, this guy knows about it but it's like he doesn't care, and of course, our parents got really excited when they saw the flowers...the funny thing is that i was carrying them but my father automatically said "Those flowers aren't yours" u__u no one believes somebody else could fall in love with me...not even my parents...it's funny and SAD! hahaha i guess i got depressed because it's true u____________u
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Oh yeah!
i'm totally in love with rbit/犬印's  cosplays, specially her Sora (Kingdom Hearts) and she last made some Dead drop distance cosplays  ❤ 

For me she is the perfect Sora!!! if i were to do cosplay in other life, i would love to be as perfect as her!

Ok! i'm just waiting for my friends to send me their part of the project but i guess they are all sleeping right now...i got no answers from them!!! D: damn....i want to sleep and never wake up ...u___u i'm just to tired of everything.......ha! no Kuroshitsuji today xD