I'm not dead! :D

Aaaaaaaaah!!!! Long time since my last entry!!!! ToT
There's nothing to tell to be honest. Maybe the only thing that's on my mind is that I'm really thinking about coming out as a male trans. It's not something I just decided lately. It's something I have feel since I'm really young, but never had the guts to admit.
It's really hard to deal with this situation when all the ppl around you think it's only a whim, that I just gave up because I cannot find a nice bra.......DIE! but everytime I try to explain it, I can't do it and don't feel stupid by their opinion. You really have not idea what it's like to live feeling that you were born in the wrong body and have to resign to be called and treated as someone you don't feel any attachment with.

I told a friend a little about it, and she took it better than my sister, but i'm sure she didn't understand what I really meant....maybe....if she did...then, great! I would feel really happy is someone finally understand me.

Anyway, I finally draw another Kuroshitsuji fanart. But sadly I did something horrible (hahahaha) I feel the entire "Fandomhive" will hate me because this (;o;) please don't, I have cookies and tea!

Baron Kelvin is the most disgusting character Yana Toboso could ever create. Somehow, I can't feel but pity for him. Maybe I can relate with the feeling of "not good enough" he felt. He just wanted to be equal to Ciel. Of course, his desire went too far and he just ended up in a really pathetic dead. Well, he was pretty pathetic himself...
I really love this arc. it was so twisted and sick. I really miss this Kuroshitsuji...new arc is really disappointing and the new chapter.......UNDERTAKER?! I could see it coming and I really hate it! but I really hope things get better in the coming chapters!

 I wanted to write a good review of Baron Kelvin, but words don't come out..

analyzing Ciel (*`O´*)

three entries for today is just a sign I don't want to work xD


Everytime I draw a Kuroshitsuji fanart i have lots of fun....of course, it comes to get annoying when i have to look for references...

You know, I was like "Let's Draw full page right away!!!" until I realized i need fucking references for clothes...I know I was going to draw what i saw in my dreams, it's like a magician outfit hahahaha ;;;;;;;;;; but I'm pretty bad with fashion, and Ciel is always fabulous so references are a MUST! (*`^´*)jum!

This is when i realized i need references...I redid Ciel's body like million times, in the first sketch (above) his legs look damn long, like a 16 year old boy or something...Ciel is big head and small legs right? 

Tried my best to draw him as a 13 years old boy...not mention Sebastian and his giant body...well, you can't see it here, I like ciel's face but no Sebastian's....never happy, never satisfied...eh?! oh yeah, Ciel is holding a -invisible- wand ...for this magician thing i dreamed about...and now, as the designer i am ( ● ｀ ー ´ ● ) -has nothing to do with this anyway- i will explain why....

Ciel is always ordering Sebastian to accomplish impossible -for humans- things, everyone think they both are too skillful, like magical -- Ciel is always tricking his enemies getting ahead of them but of course Sebastian is the one behind the tricks, the one who do the "magic tricks", like in a magic show, the assistant is the one who does everything...hahahaha 

what a smart explanation.....(--__________--) in a dilemma if I should make Ciel in tights or nude legs...

btw, searching for references for Ciel's body, hahaha yeah! I needed to prove his tiny body according to his head...I found this, which I may say is one of my favorite arts by Toboso Sensei

Such lovely art, the colors and the clothes design! 

I love everything about this picture, even forgiving the fact Ciel is always like 0 weight,  Sebastian is too fucking strong or Ciel doesn't weight any fucking gram, this get in my nerves in the anime...Ciel is always rigid when Sebastian carries him...doesn't this annoy anyone else? just me? well, I draw it like that too (Sebastian holding ciel's butt with one hand...one hell of a lifter) 

ANYWAY! going to sleep! I need to wake up early tomorrow to work hahahahah *cries*

Saturday....stupid saturday

Hi! well...this was such an unproductive day hahaha...
I went to the dentist and then do nothing...

First, I found this and can't help to find it really cute!!! she's one of the cosplayer i posted some entries earlier

they look so cute! and that Alois!!!!! so fucking perfect!

-end of commercial-

I was drawing a Leon S. Kennedy to a friend, she loves him as much as I do, so I really want to make it right! of course, i'm having troubles doing it because Leon is manly, handsome and perfect...and my drawings are shota-like and the total opposite to Capcom character design...

-Crappy picture- Doesn't look like Leon at all...keep on working on this until I find him decent...(-____-)
And While I was searching for references, I found some screen from the new Resident Evil movie.....damn....that shit is so fucking annoying and OFFENSIVE! like, they took some scene from RE4 to remake them in the movie with Alice and Ada...FUCK YOU! Just like the majini that appeared in the last movie and has nothing to do in there... :/
If I'm going to watch that movie, I will go with someone who'll hate it as much as i do, you know, for the LOLZ...
Last time I watched it with my ex, and she likes the movies, so i can't say anything in front of her, because I loved the way she got excited and scared when we watched it, even I started to like it a little...but they are not something I will defend...

So i wanted to play RE4 today, and damn....I missed a lot every head shot and got in troubles with the stupid regenerador....this is like the easiest one you can find in the island, but no, I almost died in there...

-Momento de pánico-

Anyway....changing topic...

wow...I had a entire year since i went to clean my teeth, I got grounded by the doctor...I have to go back on December, geez...I know I have to, but I just don't like to go, first, my doctor always has a little girl helping her...why?! why don't you get someone who knows about the job with you?! why are they always 12 years old girls...of course I feel bad having two people looking at me with my mouth wide opened ....IT'S TOO AWKWARD! xD Why am I complaining about this? I have nothing remarkable to write about

Hur hur! all "cool" to face my "destiny" in the damn clinic...lame...

Oh yeah...I was acting childish this week...you know, ignoring people because of my depression, but yesterday I couldn't help to write to my ex u____u....you know, every time I write to her something happened...It's like I feel something is wrong and there I go, asking her if everything is ok and never is ok...well, sometimes are just little things but now is something big and I'm really sorry for her :( life is fucking unfair...and after several months, I could talk to her...and we watched a movie...I know i can't solve her problems, and I can't make her forget about it, but at least, I want her to feel she has someone to rely on...but...i realized something...I wont write about it because i don't want to sound like an idiot....details....

Going to bed....need to finish this drawing, homeworks and then another drawing for a friend's sister :D

Ciel Phamtonhive Cosplays

Hi!! Happy Tuesday! 
I was searching for some cosplays and i found a really cool cosplayer, i remember i read her name somewhere in Tumblr, but i don't remember too well (her name was in japanese, so i couldn't tell the right spelling)...She's like the perfect Ciel i have seen. Perfect wig, stunning make up and amazing outfits! there were lots more but these are what i loved the most. When i find this kind of things i wish i could make my own cosplays too xD

The bunny (;o;)

Also i found this one: She has more great cosplays, but i was looking for Kuroshitsuji. With Sebastian(who's amazing *o*) and Claude xD ME GUSTA!

And me dreaming about making cosplay xD and losing weight when a friend brought me this hahahha GEEZ!

The Oreo's thing is over by now xD everything is so good i cry like crazy! because i now i shouldn't eat it, but sweet things are my weakness....i curse my will power! (;o;)