I usually don't wonder this myself, I have never consider the possibility of coming out the closet as some people calls it...I do like girls, i feel attracted physically, emotionally, romantically to them, but i also like guys but it's just physical fixation for now because I have never date a guy so I haven't feel any closer connection with one.
Every time I think about having a relationship, I always see myself with a girl, Does it make me lesbian? Am I bisexual? I don't know, I don't feel identified to any of it, the only thing I know is that my feelings are true and I don't care about gender...
I talked about this with my ex once, and she said I should never say anything, why? when we were dating, I hated she was always saying I should date boys...why would she say that to her girlfriend?
My sisters know about this, but never asked me anything, they think this is a phase, my older sister is always saying "You just need to fuck a guy"...................I don't want to fuck a man to know what I really feel...I don't need it in fact...and my other sister just don't give a fuck but I'm sure she believes this is just a whim...
That's why i dont feel motivated to confess this to anyone, people don't take me seriously, and I wonder if i will die with this secret inside. I don't know if i will have a gf or bf in the future...not mention I hardly believe it...I don't know if I will be able to love again or if someone will love me someday...that's what i don't believe the most...stupid emo of me.
marriage, family and kids are not in my plan, I see myself alone you know, but sometimes I see people holding hands and I remember how nice is to feel someone loves you, and I get sad, some part of me want it so bad, but in the other hand, I feel i'm better off all by myself...even my parents don't believe someone would feel attracted to me, they always wonder if the guys coming home are looking for my sister, never for me...hahahahahahha am I that ugly? that boring? such a bad option? *sigh*
Of course I don't want to fall in love to be broke again, my last and only relationship was hard and complicated enough to destroy me in many levels, and it made me afraid of love...
Why things have to be too fragil?
Well, I don't know if I'm homosexual/pansexual/bisexual or whatever people calls it...the fact I don't identify as female has something to do with this? that's another topic...
In few words: since I was a child I enjoy play the male role in games, I never liked dresses, skirts, female clothing and shoes, now i hate them more; girls's talks annoy me, hate my body, my boobs, my curves way too much you can't imagine, Sometimes I find myself crying because i hate it all... always wonder what would it feels like to be a boy, have a dick, flat chest and stuff...u_u and i start to feel satisfy when i think about being male, it's like everything would be better for me...it's something I can't explain in words, and feel all alone when i realize no one understands it..........
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