#6...

It bothers me to feel this way and don't have anyone to talk to. Sometimes I don't know why I need someone when I know what they will say, I know the words I will hear and I know that nothing they say will change a thing. Suck it up like everyone else does, right?
I have been feeling anxious lately, I'm upset, and it worries me to go back to the office with this mindset. Although, feeling this way makes me want to work harder for what I want, and the fear to die is gone, I honestly think that dying wouldn't be something bad at all... The problem is that I don't want to surround myself with people bc I don't want to ruin the day for them but if I tell them that I don't feel like going out they will get upset anyway.
I wrote that I didn't like to be alone with myself but I need to be alone right now. I'm sorry if this blog gets to negative and I know that no one wants to read about someone else's depression... Depression...
Am I depressed? Is it valid for me to say I have it?? Just like my identity, it feels so alien to me......whatever....

Again, I'm sorry.